I thought long and hard about whether or not I should share this story, my story. But the truth is, in so many ways, it's our story and in sharing it I take the power out of something that has scared me and I give that power to myself, to us, to love.
Yoga found me in one of the worst years of my life. I had been practicing for a while, maybe 5 years or so, on and off. It felt good, I enjoyed it, but I hadn't really discovered that "thing" you know, that everyone who falls in love with yoga talks about, for me it was something I did to balance out my stress and cross train from long distance running. Yoga was just something I did.
And then my life fell apart. Everything I had ever known to be true, every reality I believed in, came crashing down. My trust had been broken, and I had been broken. I found myself living in this oblivion of fear. I was depressed, scared, confused, and I wondered if life would ever go back to "normal". For a moment, life was very bleak, I had lost hope.
I didn't lean on my practice purposefully, it was just there, and ironically, the only classes I ever took were online. I'd look up a class and just let myself be. I would practice everyday, and slowly it began to establish a sense of routine for me. Yoga became a constant in a life filled with unknowns. The movement gave my body freedom, it created a sense of control where I felt like I had none. The breathwork eased my anxiety and helped to regulate my sympathetic system. I could approach fear not with worry and concern, but openly, with courage and accountability. But most importantly Yoga taught me how to be grateful, not because life isn't hard, but rather despite it, and in creating this profound sense of gratitude, it showed me Love, not as a practice, but as a path; a place where I could move from. Yoga showed me that I have a choice, I can move from a place of fear, and let that run my life, or I could choose love, and not just move from it but live in it. And really that was when it all changed. I stopped living in fear, and started living in love.
Everyday is uncertain. Our current world crisis has brought to our attention a very honest truth, life is uncertain. Long before Covid-19 this was still true, but when we are forced to be face to face with the reality that death is very much a real part of our living cycle, fear becomes inescapable. Now more than ever we need our practice, and I don't necessarily mean yoga. But now more than ever is the time to turn to whatever brings you to a place of gratitude, that brings you back to love.
I certainly don't have the answers, I don't have a yoga flow that will make everything better. All I can offer is an honest discussion, an open heart, and a knowing that you aren't alone. Keep moving from love, look for the gratitudes, look for the smiles in the eyes of strangers. Let's keep turning towards one another and not from, allow yourself the space to listen and observe, and not just to what we want to listen to, but to listen openly. Let's become accountable for ourselves and our actions, let's become responsible for our health and wellbeing. In this moment we have a choice, we can move from fear, or we can move from love. I love you all, I hope these words find you all well and safe.
If you're looking for some togetherness and community, feel free to join me on youtube weekly at Nadine Bazan - Live in Love with classes to help bring us together, near or far.